Project Sabertooth Page 13

you're finished with Moby. And if you just happen to kill my whale, I get to keep the BMW! Let me tell you, my uncle must be your number one fan because he don't let anybody drive his car. Let alone the fact that I get to keep it if you happen to wreck mine!” “So when I am finished, do you want me to sink it in the river, or what?” I asked. “It won't pass the next inspection anyways because theres more rust than metal on it.” He said. “But the inspection sticker is still good for a year, and that should be more than long enough for you to finish what your doing.” I stood looking at him, wondering how I could thank him. But he took my look the wrong way and apologized; “I didn't mean it like that! That came out all wrong man!” “No need for apologies.” I said, “It's my own fault that I'm slowly dying, not yours!” “Cool.” He said. “Now all I need is a GPS.” I said. “Oh man, I almost forgot!” He exclaimed and pulled a paper out of his jeans pocket. “This is the address you have to go to to pick up your cell phone, courtesy of my father. And tell them greetings from him. When you pass the greetings on to them then they will be sure you are who you are. You will also get another package from them, and my uncle said you should use them and not your children's toy from Stuttgart. I don't know what that means, but my uncle was serious when he said it! Children's toy.” “How many people are following what I'm doing and where I go?” I asked in amazement. “Just one person, the man who is proud of what you're doing and has taken you under his wing of protection.” He said. Then he gave me the key for Moby, and I started to look at the road. Which now puzzled me because I hadn't heard it driving up. “Where did you park?” I asked looking up and down the road. “You can't see it from here, not unless you're superman, but then you wouldn't need it. Right?” He said. “It's parked at the mall across from your place. Would be dangerous to park it at your apartment house!” “And how did you find out where I live to deliver your message?” I asked. He smiled and said; “Come on man! You're the only American living here in Kornwestheim! How hard is that to find out!”

  After driving so long for the Colonel, I had picked up an aversion for driving. As a matter of fact, I never really owned a car myself. I always got along good with taking buses and trains to wherever I needed to go. So now that I am behind the wheel of Moby, it was a very strange sensation as I drove to the store to get the cell phone, which was so generously provided from my friend Gunéy and his brother. The sad part about Moby is that it doesn't even have a radio in it! The Colonels car was the same way, but don't all of the young kids nowadays have super sound systems built into their cars? Upon entering the shop, I received some serious stares, which was probably due to my cowboy hat and sunglasses. I had retrieved them from the apartment after checking up on the cat. Now, standing stupidly in the middle of the store, as if I had no idea what I came for, it occurred to me that this quest of mine was beginning to look like some sort of spy movie. The salesman came cautiously over to me, asking if I needed help. I quietly told him the greetings from Gunéy and that I need a phone. Audaciously, he gave me a big hug, and exclaimed; “Good to see you again my friend!” I thought: “Again?” “Come in the back with me, for I have been able to fix your cell phone.” He said, and lead the way through the beaded curtain to the back of the store. From there we went into a small office which was the size of a broom closet! One chair, one folding table, and only a small laptop plugged into the Wireless Modem for LAN connection. Now that's what I call efficiency with the bare necessities! On the folding table was a package and a cell phone laying on top. He asked me; “And how is my friend Gunéy doing? I haven't seen him in ages!” “He's doing well, and his son is growing to be a fine young man.” I said. “You have to go visit Gunéy, he makes a killer Lahmacun, which is only second best to his Kebabs.” “Good, good.” He said. “First, these are cable ties. Special ones that Gunéy's brother had sent over here for you. I sneaked a look in the box, out of curiosity, and I must say, they are very good. But be careful, for you cannot open it once it has been pulled tight! Oh, and he specifically wants you to leave your toy at home. Now that, I don't understand, but hopefully you do.” “ Yeah.” I said. “I've been told that before, so I guess I'll take it to heart.” “And now for your phone, you do know how to use one of these?” He asked. He seen the puzzled look on my face and said; “Okay, let's start with the basics. You got everything you need in the palm of your hand, Navigation, WhatsApp and so forth.” “Explain it to me as if I was a five year old child.” I said.

  He sighed and said; “Okay, I got nothing else to do today, and I owe my favor to Gunéy.” Much later, when I finally left the store, it was already dark outside and my brain was simply smoking! All of the repetitious teaching of how to operate this thing had burned me out, and also made me hungry. But I opted to go straight home, for I had a funny feeling I would be leaving the cat alone in the apartment more often now. I managed to get into the door of the little store before they locked up for the night, and got to hear that it's better late than never. But I needed to make sure that I had enough food for Sabertooth for the coming days. It might get hectic and I might not have the time to hit the stores before closing time. I also bought me a beer. Just one, for I had a premonition that what with all this James Bond stuff, I would need to have total clarity. In the apartment, the cat greeted me lovingly. This of course in cat psychology meant that he was nearly starving to death! So I sat on the floor with him and we enjoyed the last half of the old bologna ring from the mini-refrigerator. Two comrades eating together, with me washing mine down with the beer.

  An hour later, I was already sitting on the toilet with my guts exploding. This was one time that I hoped it was due to my sickness, and not the old bologna. If it was the meat, well, I hoped a cats stomach is more immune to such things, for they eat birds and mice. Simply the thought of Sabertooth having a nuclear case of diarrhea in (and all around) his cat litter box was enough to make me gag! When I hoped that it was safe to get up from the throne, I simply fell into bed, and sleep took me almost instantaneously. The next morning, I quickly dressed and also fed the cat some lunch-meat. Then I filled a cereal bowl with the dry food I had bought the night before. That done, I hopped into Moby, programmed the navigation, and drove away. As I drove in direction the cell phone showed me to, it started drizzling rain, and why shouldn't it? April showers bring May flowers for the people who soon enough will be dying! I had, still don't, and will never trust one of these modern phones, but by following the red line on the display, it took me directly to the little Mosque. I turned Moby around real quick and drove farther down the dead end road to find some place where I would have a good visual perspective of the place and its surroundings. There was a small driveway which led into a pretty large garden lot, so I backed into it. There were ruggedly trimmed hedges which started directly at the edge of the street, on both sides of the driveway. I had to almost back Moby up against the chain fence crossing the driveway, which was apparently supposed to keep people out of the garden, till I found a bare spot in the hedges which allowed me to at least see the Mosque and the yard in front of it. Sort of like looking out of the porthole in a ships cabin!

  After an eternity of waiting and watching through the hedges, I took a look at the phone, and according to the navigation App I realized only thirty minutes had passed since my arrival. I turned the App off like he showed me to and then I decided to check the phone out to see what it can do. He had showed me the button for the camera and had said to simply press it to take pictures, if I needed to. I whipped my finger over the icon, and was confronted with the picture on the screen. Just waiting for me to hit it in the middle. I seen a slider bar on the bottom and moved it with my finger, and was shocked at how big the dashboard suddenly got. So I focused the camera on the Mosque and slid the bar to the right. I was astounded, for I realized that with this gadget you don't need binoculars and a camera. “This is just so awesome Moby!” I said to the car. Just for fun, I took a picture, and then played around with the different editing features. I must admit
that I was having fun, and being distracted, so I got back to concentrating on the task at hand. I plugged the charger adapter into the cigarette lighter socket in Moby's dashboard, being thankful that it had one, albeit no radio! It took me a few seconds of fumbling around to get the cable plugged into the phone, and then I sat back and just waited. And in the hours that passed, I seen countless birds, an older couple who walked by with their even older dog, and two squirrels playing or fighting in a tree. I had even organized the trash which was all over the floorboards into two groups. Paper behind my seat, plastic cups and empty energy drink cans behind the passenger seat. I then checked the phone for music, and had somehow gotten into a menu for Internet radio, and for the next hour listened to all the greatest country hits of the '70's, and even singing along with a few of them. It was okay because nobody could hear my voice screeching like a Puma in severe pain.

  My name isn't James Bond because I make a lousy spy.