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  My heart broke. He lied to me. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered.

  “You did not speak of it either.”

  “Because I didn’t think you’d understand.” I pulled away to stare at him through tear-filled eyes.

  “And you would understand what I was?” he challenged gently.

  He made sense, as usual, but this was more than an oversight or an error made in good faith. This was deception from a man I viewed as too honorable to deceive me. “I don’t know you, Batu. Is any of this … us real? Am I a mission to you?”

  “No, Moonbeam,” he whispered. “You are my heart.”

  “Then tell me why you lied!”

  He took my hands, quiet.

  “Batu, I love you. I want to spend my life with you here. And then I find out it may not even be possible, not because of me, but because you’re a time traveler who could disappear at any moment.”

  “I resigned,” he said with mild humor. “Moonbeam-”

  “Tell me everything.”

  He searched my features for a moment before drawing me into his arms again. I wanted to push him away, to sit at a distance that would allow me to discern how truthful he was without the distraction of his body.

  But I also needed him at this moment. I shook out of emotion, and he had always been the one to steady me.

  “I am from this time. I was … found when I was young and recruited into the agency. Trained in traveler ways as well as Mongol warrior customs. After ten years, I was returned here with the knowledge I’d be called upon from time to time to assist the agency as directed. My life was generally mine, except that I was ordered to become the guardian of the Goddess of the White Path. I was called upon to assess the threat you posed to history after Carter sent you to the eighteen forties and then to protect you, as my handlers had grown interested in your abilities.

  “It was about that time that Carter approached me,” he paused.

  I listened, my stomach in knots. Clinging to Batu’s tunic, I couldn’t quite shake the fear that I was going to lose him or maybe already had lost the man I thought he was.

  “I will say he was convincing.” A troubled note, one containing resentment as well, was in Batu’s tone. “I could travel forward and backward in time, and he could only send you backward. He needed you at a certain point in time, so I was ordered to make you take the magic beans he gave you, but the agency told me you needed to awaken earlier. So, I destroyed several of the magic beans as they directed, destroyed my connection to Carter and woke you twenty years before Carter wanted it so, in my era. My agency gave you the task of protecting Flowers and me the mission of protecting you. After that, they said I was free.”

  His deep voice calmed me, but I wanted to return to yesterday so badly, to erase the knowledge he’d lied to me and continue to live a blissful life with him on the steppes.

  “I had planned to live with you here until we were too old to ride horses,” he added softly. “I do not know when exactly I began to love you, but I was prepared to take you as my wife before the plague.”

  His explanation jived with what The Persian had told me.

  But … I was still crushed, because I knew better than to let myself get attached and I had not only related to the people of this time but fallen in love and planned on spending my life here. I was a fool to think I could love Batu in peace.

  Carter had damned me the moment we met, even before he put the microchips in my head that were so fascinating to Batu and Taylor’s people.

  “He won’t let me go, Batu,” I whispered hoarsely. “He won’t let us stay together.”

  Batu’s grip around me tightened. “We don’t know that.”

  I do.

  “The Persian. He told you,” Batu guessed.

  “Yes.”

  “I destroyed the ability for Carter or the agency to track me. When we stopped at the trading post, it was so I could return my tracking device to another time traveler there as part of my resignation. But if The Persian spoke to you, Carter spoke to him. He will know how to contact Carter.”

  I looked up at him. “You want to talk to Carter?”

  “Yes, and tell him to let us go,” he replied with resolve. “The agency will, once I assure them you will not harm the timeline of history.”

  “I don’t even know why Carter sent me here. The Persian said his interest is unusual. He sent me on my first journey to … to uncreate … Taylor.” The tears began again. “If I’m supposed to uncreate … you …”

  “No, Moonbeam,” Batu said. “Whatever Carter’s intent, it is not this. I knew Taylor. We are the only people who can remember him. He was a good man, a very noble one.”

  It was nice to know Taylor was remembered by more than me. Whether or not it should have, Batu’s admiration for the man who was uncreated took some of the burden of being the only person to recall Taylor from me.

  “Carter was as adamant about me as he was you,” Batu added. “He will not kill me. He may strand me somewhere in history, like he does his other agents, but he will not hurt either of us.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure of him. He destroyed Taylor, and I don’t even know why.”

  “Nor do I. But, we have a means to contact him. If he intends to come for you or me, it is better we meet him head on.”

  The warrior side of him was speaking. I didn’t know enough about Carter to know if being proactive was going to work, but I suspected he wasn’t going to let me go. I didn’t know his deal with Batu.

  “I feel like I’m losing everything,” I murmured. “I feel like I had the world, and now it’s slipping away.”

  “We have one another, Moonbeam,” Batu reassured me. “Carter can’t take our love.”

  I smiled weakly.

  “Do you still love me, my goddess?”

  “Yes.” I lifted my head to meet Batu’s gaze. He touched my face gently. “In any time and place, I will always love you, Batu.”

  “And I you, Moonbeam. I will find The Persian now. We can face Carter together.” He released me and rose, striding out without bothering to stop and grab his outdoor layers.

  I watched him, unable to shake my fear and doubt about Carter letting us go.

  I curled up by the fire for a short time, mentally wired yet spent from the emotional extremes of the past few days. It took me a moment to register the strange buzz coming from my pocket. Shifting, I reached in and instantly recognized the cool combination of plastic and glass.

  I pulled the cell phone out and stared at it, dread charging my system once more. I sat up, heart pounding, and swiped the screen awake.

  Josie? Please respond. Carter had written the message three times.

  My stomach felt like it dropped to my feet. I unlocked the phone and stared at the messages briefly before responding.

  Leave me alone, Carter. I’m happy here. I want to stay with Batu. Tapping the send button, I waited.

  Carter’s answer brought tears to my eyes. You can’t stay, Josie. You have to trust me. You have to leave that era immediately before his people pull you in and dissect your brain or worse. I know about you and Batu. You being there places him in grave danger as well.

  I began sobbing. I had never quite shaken the fear of my presence hurting those around me, and Carter knew exactly what button to push. I texted him a lengthy message, blasting him in a way I wanted to do in person.

  You have to trust me. He responded.

  “Well I don’t!” I said, anger bubbling forth from the depths of my hurting soul. I told him as much.

  I understand, Josie. You have no reason to trust me – but you must know that Batu’s people will steamroll right over him to get to you. And honestly, if I need to flip that switch, I can do to Batu what I did to Taylor. But I don’t want to – believe me. I don’t. I want Batu alive as much as I need you alive. I’m banking on you being happy in the long run, but that’s not here and now in Mongolia.

  “I … hate you.” Terror tore through me and lef
t me breathless at the thought of Batu being uncreated before my eyes the way Taylor was.

  Please do as I tell you, and I swear to you, Josie, I’ll protect Batu against even his own people. He is better off being left in his home time and you moving on. I’ll protect him. I swear it. If you stay … Josie, even if I don’t uncreate him, he will be slaughtered by his own people. Give him a chance to find happiness and leave this era.

  Carter made too much sense. If Batu stayed here, he might one day marry again or at least, he’d be surrounded by his family. Even if I never recovered from the pain building inside me, he would have that chance.

  As if knowing I was leaning in his direction, Carter texted once more.

  Go to the hill at the north side of the camp. Bring your phone. There’s a rock the size of a large tortilla at the very top of the hill and beneath it, the pill you need to take to knock you out for time travel. I’ve always, ALWAYS protected you, Josie, and I will continue to do so, and Batu. Just do as I say, and he’ll eventually end up happy.

  “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” I stood and swiped the tears away. I’d do anything for Batu, and Carter had figured it out. Maybe that was why he waited to find me, to give me time to fall in love with the man he planted in my world. “God! I hate you!”

  Batu deserved so much more than this – but he also deserved to live, to have the opportunity I was losing to be happy.

  I looked around at the first place that had ever felt like home and wanted to break down and weep. Carter wouldn’t be reasoned with by Batu; this much I knew. Carter’s plans for me had never been understood, but I didn’t want him uncreating or hurting anyone else I cared about.

  Putting on my over tunic with shaking hands, I picked up the bag of Moldavite Batu had given me.

  This hurts so bad. My chest was tight and aching, and the pain inside me was the kind that would never go away. At times, I still felt it from the death of my parents. “Do it for Batu.” I drew a shaky breath and tucked the phone and Moldavite away.

  I left my home and listlessly made my way towards the small hill where I’d once had lunch with Ghoajin, Suvdin and the other women. Wherever Carter sent me next, whatever he did to me, I’d never forgive him for this, never stop loving Batu, and never, ever let myself grow attached to anyone else.

  Ascending the hill, I found the pill beneath the stone. Sitting back on my heels, I gazed out over the encampment that had grown to ten times its original size from the influx of clans migrating south for the brutal Mongolian winter.

  Batu was there somewhere, maybe looking for me, or possibly trying to negotiate with Carter.

  I knew what he didn’t: there was no negotiating with Carter, and we would never see each other again. If I didn’t do this, Carter would kill him. Knowing Batu lived through this meant more to me than signing his death warrant by staying.

  I bent over in physical pain from the idea of losing Batu and reminded myself incessantly that this was the only way Carter was going to let him live.

  “I hate you, Carter,” I whispered again and stared at the pill in my hand. Tears splashed onto my palm. “And I love you, Batu. More than life, more than anything. Stay alive and find happiness. I will always be your Moonbeam.”

  Not giving myself the chance to back out, I swallowed the pill and washed it down with water.

  It acted quickly. Darkness swept through me, and I sagged, tumbling away from my emotions into unconsciousness.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I didn’t fight or try to understand exactly what was happening this time when I emerged from the darkness to feel the sensations of time travel. I didn’t care. Whether or not he meant to, Carter had destroyed me with the last trip through time. The Old West softened me up, and the Mongol Empire smashed my heart into a million fragments.

  My thoughts were on Batu, on the raw pain of learning who he was and the knowledge I’d never see him again. My only solace – knowing he had a shot at a normal life. Hopefully. At the very least, he was going to live. Carter had sworn as much.

  The final boom hit, and the intolerable heat reached its peak. The sense of floating began to subside.

  I waited for the cool touch of the outside world of wherever Carter had sent me to begin to dispel the heat. I wasn’t anxious at all to open my eyes and see where I was. In fact, I was half tempted to just lay there and see what –

  Freezing water swallowed me, jarring my senses. I freaked out. My eyes opened, but all I could see was darkness, and water flooded my mouth and into my nose. Panicking, I kicked my legs and clawed at the liquid around me. My fingertips were numb already and coldness touched my bones.

  I broke free of the water and coughed, sucking in deep breaths of air laced with sea spray. It was salt water, and fear shot through me.

  If Carter dropped me into an ocean …

  “Over there!”

  Thank god. I bobbed, at the mercy of tall waves that tugged me under, released me, then smacked the back of my head. Stars were bright in the velvety night sky above, and I struggled as my limbs quickly grew numb. I was shaking and cold.

  A lantern attached to the bow of a small boat morphed out of the darkness, headed towards me. “I’m … here!” I shouted. The waves pulled me under, and I barely had the strength to kick back to the surface.

  Someone grabbed me by the back of my neck and dragged me roughly over the edge of the rowboat and dropped me into the bottom. I strained to catch my breath and blinked away water to determine what I could about where I was.

  “You are far out for a night swim,” a male voice said.

  The other two men in the rowboat laughed.

  The face of the speaker leaned over me. He was a large man with pale skin, long, dark hair and blue eyes that glinted silver in the moon. He wore little more than a fur-lined vest and leather pants despite the cold night and flung a blanket of fur over my shaking body.

  I was going to freeze to death. I just knew it.

  “Jorgensen, who swims so far out at this time of night?” someone shouted from nearby.

  “A brave soul!” The dark-haired man named Jorgensen said in approval. “One of our women, no doubt to impress her man.”

  Whatever. Even if I could respond, I wouldn’t. As it was, I was far too cold to attempt to speak through my chattering teeth. I tasted blood and assumed I’d bitten my tongue but couldn’t feel it.

  The bow of a massive, wooden ship came into sight above my head, and I struggled to sit, taking in the dress of the blond and brown haired men peering over the edges and the size and make of the ship.

  Vikings. It was yet another era I knew nothing about, and I stared at it, cursing Carter for not sending me somewhere civilized and warm, like Greece or Rome or something.

  “You are a brave girl,” Jorgensen said. “But you should not swim so far if you cannot make it back.”

  “Tell me, woman, who is your man? Where is he this night?” another called from the ship.

  They were staring at me, waiting for my response. I huddled into the fur-lined blanket irritated and cold. “I don’t need a man,” I proclaimed. “I’m perfectly capable of swimming wherever I want and rescuing myself.”

  And in that moment, I knew I meant it. I was done being reliant upon anyone for survival, and I would never, ever again risk my heart, my sanity or my health for anyone else.

  “You have no man,” Jorgensen assessed. “But you are old enough you should have been wedded at least once. Are you a widow?”

  Ugh. I didn’t think it was any of his business, and I didn’t like the reminder that yes, I was a widow – twice over.

  “Yes,” I replied. “I am.”

  “You seek to impress Odin this night?” someone else joked.

  I didn’t want to impress anyone. I wanted to be left alone forever so I could wallow in my misery.

  But self-pity wasn’t in my personality, and I was already looking around out of curiosity at my new surroundings. The rowboat bumped against the warshi
p while Jorgensen and a blond man on the ship spoke. I wiped my face, desperate to get out of the soaking clothing to warm up but not about to strip around a group of strange men who probably didn’t have twenty first century morals about naked women in their midst.

  I was going into this experience with a completely different mindset, one as cold as the waters of wherever I was. No attachments, no love, no happiness, no hope for a happy ending.

  I hurt too much to take a chance on anyone ever again. A familiar sense hit me, one I hadn’t yet experienced traveling back in time.

  Scooting over, I leaned over the side of the boat and threw up. I wasn’t able to see if it was black like my vomit was when I went forward in time. I had the headache of traveling to the past but had yet to throw up. My stomach was empty, and I dry heaved for a few minutes.

  Jorgensen grunted as he sat on the bench nearest me. “Olaf, take us back to the village. Our wayward swimmer needs warmth.” His gaze fell to me.

  I pushed myself up from the edge of the boat.

  “Do you have your own hearth or are you in need of one?” he asked.

  “In need of one.”

  “You are recently widowed then.” He was studying me. “I know a man who will want to speak to you.”

  Oh, god. Here we go. I sighed and turned my gaze to the sky. Bring it, Carter and the universe. I had no choice but to find a way to deal with whatever mess I’d been dropped into.

  I missed Batu already. Fighting back tears, I did what he had taught me and practiced grounding my senses in the present. Lanterns glowed in the windows of wooden homes with thatched roofs lining the bay of a small port. The sea air smelled of fish and salt, and the gentle rocking of waves bumping the boat helped ease some of my fear. Carter swore he’d put me somewhere safe. I didn’t quite know for certain where I was or how I was going to be safe around Vikings known for pillaging and burning down whole villages, but I had learned a few things about surviving over the past two adventures.

  I was going to make it through this, if not with Carter’s help, then because if I had learned anything, it was that I was strong enough to do it. Although … I’d trade everything I’d done and everything I was to return to the steppes and spend my life with Batu.