The Grey God (War of Gods 4) Page 16
“Son of a bitch!” She yanked her hands free and stumbled around him, wanting to flee. “Just couldn’t shut up, could you, Jenn?”
“Too late for that.”
Jenn faced him, one cold hand across her mouth to keep any other stupid secrets from spilling out. Darian remained seated, watching her with intensity that made her feel edgy.
“Why did Jonny send you after me?” he asked.
Jenn lowered her hand. “Does it matter?”
“Yeah.”
“He wants to know the answer to a question.”
“And you planned on getting it for him how?”
“Fuck you, Darian,” she replied, anger rising once again. “How have I ever treated you?”
“Before or after you kept secrets from me about our fates?”
Jenn glared at him. She tried to grip the necklace around her neck with hands still too cold to function.
“Don’t.” There was anger in his sharp voice this time, and his golden eyes flashed. “There is no fucking rock on this planet you could hide under where I wouldn’t find you.”
Jenn dropped it. “If there is any part of you that thinks I’d do anything less than ask you what he wanted to know, take it back. I want nothing to do with you.”
The silence stretched between them at the stalemate.
“I’m sorry,” Darian said at last.
Jenn couldn’t remember any other time in her life when a man apologized to her. She stood where she was as Darian swept past her to the kitchen. When he didn’t return immediately, her gaze fell to the warm bowl of water. Her hands hurt from cold. She returned to the couch and dipped her hands in the water.
When he did emerge, he had a hot cheeseburger on a plate. Jenn’s eyes fell to it as he set it beside her.
“If you let me help you, you’ll be able to grip it before it’s cold,” Darian said.
Her stomach roared. Jenn nodded. Darian resumed his seat on the ottoman and took her hands again. Jenn tried not to look at him, focusing instead on the scent of cheeseburgers. Her eyes went to his long fingers and roped forearms then upward to the thick biceps and wide shoulders. She found herself remembering what his body looked like when he stripped down to spar with her, how the muscular length of him felt against her own body when they were locked in combat.
“Jonny thinks you’re going to destroy one of the worlds,” she said. “He wanted to know your intentions, or he’d find a way to kill you.”
“Would solve your problem of being mated to me.”
“I was planning on being killed by Others,” she said.
“Sorry to disappoint you.”
“No, Darian, I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
He looked up at her quiet words.
“I … I can’t, Darian,” Jenn said and touched the symbol at the small of her neck.
Darian took her hand and lowered it. “Yes, you can. It’s easy. Just don’t fight it.”
“It’s not right.”
“Are you going to try to convince me again that you don’t care for me?” he asked. “I’ll admit, I don’t know how you walked away from me like you did in the wine cellar.”
Pure terror, she answered mentally. Out loud, she said, “I’m not going to put you in more danger.”
“Try again.”
She raised her eyebrows at his challenge. “I don’t want to be involved with anyone.”
“Not convinced.”
“I can’t have you killing off sources I sleep with.”
“You won’t be sleeping with any more sources,” he snapped. “Try again.”
“What can I say to convince you?” she demanded.
“One thing. Tell me Claire was right to betray me. If you can say those words, I’ll let you walk.”
Darian waited. Jenn couldn’t formulate the words. They went against every fiber of her honor. She’d hated Claire when she found out. Jenn still remembered the first time she’d seen Darian. He’d been scarred so badly, he was hardly recognizable as a person. His now vibrant eyes had been empty, and he’d spent many days just sitting with Sofi in the study. She recalled taking messages from Dusty to Sofi and how, at first, Darian hadn’t even been able to register the sound of another human’s voice.
Claire had done that to him.
Jenn held Darian’s golden gaze, feeling awed at his transformation. She’d taken care of him since she met him. Those tables had turned. She’d always thought him her perfect match in the sparring ring. And now, a small voice told her he’d be her perfect match outside the ring, too.
Something within her broke. There was no dissuading someone like Darian. The moment he figured out the truth, she was screwed, just like Dusty told her. Lost in thought, she dropped her gaze to her hands as Darian’s warmth moved through her body, healing her.
“The great wordsmith is quiet. Looks like I finally won a round,” he said then motioned to the cheeseburger. “I’ve got more on the stove.” He rose and moved towards the kitchen.
Jenn stood and tested her body when he disappeared into the kitchen. Her body felt like it had before her assignment to the Black God. She pulled up her shirt to confirm the bruises were gone. By the sudden lack of stiffness in her torso, she wondered if her ribs had been broken. She had a high tolerance to pain, more so when she had Guardian magic.
She picked up her cheeseburger, walked to the kitchen door, and leaned against the doorframe, watching Darian flip hamburgers on the stove. Even the simple, everyday task was done with his flawless, effortless movement. She ate fast, ravenous for real food after surviving off of scraps at the Black God’s house. Someone had food in their pantry at one point, but it was stale and consisted of canned food she wouldn’t normally eat.
A cheeseburger had never tasted so good. It was well-cooked, the cheese perfectly melted.
“My god,” she sighed. “This is fantastic!”
“How many can you eat?”
“Four.”
“Four?” Darian glanced at her. “I only eat three.”
“I haven’t eaten real food in weeks.”
With his healing magic and the first cheeseburger in her belly, Jenn felt renewed energy. She moved to the fridge and opened it, still starving. He didn’t have much, but she wasn’t feeling picky. She tugged a beer free from one of two six-packs and popped the top. The first mouthful tasted like bitter honey and she drank the bottle down, sighing again.
“Haven’t eaten real food in weeks.” The disapproval was clear in his voice as he slowly repeated her words.
“I hear a Jenn-like lecture approaching,” she said and crossed her arms as she faced him.
“No, no,” he said. “Just know it won’t happen that way again.”
For once, let someone take care of you.
She didn’t know what to feel at his words. She’d never thought she needed someone to take care of her. She worked hard to keep it that way. Dependence on others created not only potential liabilities but made her weaker as well.
Jenn’s gaze swept over Darian.
Trust. It wasn’t something she did. It wasn’t something she thought she’d missed. Standing in the kitchen with the man meant to be her mate, she couldn’t help feeling a small kernel of longing deep inside her. An ache that remembered what it’d been like to trust someone else. An ache that wanted to trust someone again.
Darian.
Fear trickled through her as she recalled the amount of pain trusting someone could cause. Of all the evil in the world, she feared this the most.
“Coward,” Darian murmured.
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“About destroying worlds,” she shot back.
“Have another cheeseburger,” he said and handed a plate to her.
“You don’t have enough cheeseburgers to keep me distracted forever.”
“You really want to do this right now?” he challenged, meeting her gaze. “You’re half-starved and powerless. You think you can take me?”
“You need it to run away again. You throw down now, we’ll have us a little talk, and you’ve got no escape plan.”
She snatched the plate and walked into the living room.
“Damn that felt good!” Darian shouted.
“Cheap shot.”
“I learned that from you.”
Jenn resisted the urge to smile. Frustrated and off-center, she couldn’t help finding his triumph entertaining. The part of her that loved to mess with powerful creatures also knew she was damned good at it. That she’d had a god off balance for so long—and it took losing her magic for him to finally score—was an accomplishment. Of course, any advantage she had over him was over now.
She was enjoying the challenge and their repartee. More than she liked. Darian had a quick wit that was as unpredictable as his actions.
“I also learned the best time to take advantage of someone is when they’re off-center,” he said, joining her with another plate of cheeseburgers.
Stop it, she directed him mentally.
He winked in response, saying, “No more secrets.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Darian,” she replied and wolfed down another cheeseburger.
“You’re terrified,” he supplied. “Want to play a game?”
“What kind of game?”
“I ask you a question, you answer with the honest truth. You ask me one, I do the same,” he explained. “Absolutely nothing off limits.”
Jenn shifted, studying him. She wasn’t sure what to do if she couldn’t manipulate her way out of something. Yet, she wasn’t sure she wanted to get out of anything. Her emotions were twisted when it came to the Grey God. She admired him as she had no other.
Darian was too intense to appear relaxed, but he was waiting with a predator’s patience to see what she’d do. He’d thrown down the gauntlet. If she accepted, there was no going back, and she suspected Darian had already stacked the deck to win, whatever win meant to a wild man like him. Her heart quickened again, and her palms grew sweaty from what she knew was fear. She’d never let fear stand between her and a mission. She couldn’t let it stop her now, though this kind of fear was far different than that of losing her life or failure on a mission.
“Fine,” she said softly.
“I knew you wouldn’t back down,” he said with a smile that confirmed her instinct. “You ask first.”
“The worlds issue,” she said without hesitation.
“It may be true.” His words were slow, thoughtful. “If I can’t disrupt the war between Others and Watchers, it’s an option. I didn’t think it inevitable, though. They’re telling me I can’t close the gates. I’d only need to close one to control their entrance into this world. I can’t camp outside both gateways, but I could one. I’m going to try it.”
“And if you can’t? What then?”
“My turn.”
She leaned back, unwilling to let her impatience show.
“Talia.”
Jenn’s whole body went rigid. She resisted the urge to reach for a knife, knowing this was a test without knowing what answer it was Darian wanted.
Chapter Nine
“I saw the name on the obelisk in the immortal world when I returned your family’s marker,” Darian said.
To her credit, Jenn remained in her seat. He didn’t touch her thoughts, already aware of the level of turmoil he’d just caused her. She was silent for a long moment and finally looked away from him. There was no sign of her inner angst in her deep brown eyes or on her beautiful features. But without her magic ability to cover her emotions, the air around her sizzled.
“You know the answer,” she said in a low growl. “Why ask it.”
“I need to know,” he said. “You’re not the only one terrified by this.”
“I’m a liability,” she said, raising an eyebrow in her only sign of offense. “I’d never betray you, Darian, no matter what ghosts are in my closet.”
“Answer the question.”
For the second time that day, he sensed how close she was to exploding. Jenn drew a steady breath and met his gaze again.
“I was betrothed when I was sixteen to another servant. My father had just landed a gig working for one of the lesser nobles after he saved the life of the noble’s son. It pulled us off the streets. At first, I was thrilled, until I realized any freedom I had was now gone. On the streets, I could do what I wanted. In a noble house, everything down to my shoes was scripted for me. Our lord even chose the man I was to wed, another lesser servant in need of wife. He was twenty years older than me, born into his position. He didn’t question anyone or anything, and I couldn’t understand his world,” she began. “I found out I was eligible to join the Guardians the day before I found out I was pregnant with Talia. I tried to run away twice, to take us both to the mortal world, where we could start over. My husband and father forbid it, locked me away until I had Talia, and believed a child would tame that part of me they couldn’t. She couldn’t.”
Jenn’s gaze grew distant. She fell quiet for a moment, and Darian watched the disjointed images in her mind as she recalled the memories.
“I left them both when she was two. I signed up for the Guardians, and I was getting ready to leave for the mortal world. My plan was to go, find a place, then come back for Talia. Then the first wave of the Schism hit. I went to check on them. The house was crushed. My … Talia was dead. My whole family.”
Darian couldn’t help feeling dirty for causing her to relive the pain.
“I took back the marker of my family and buried it at their obelisk. I left. Free at last,” she said with bitterness. She focused on him again, pain and anger in her gaze. “Now answer my fucking question, Darian.”
“If I must destroy a world, I’ll do it,” he said firmly. “If that’s the only way to keep my family safe, I won’t think twice. I don’t think the Others or Watchers can stop me.”
“You’ll protect whichever world your family is in?”
“My turn.”
She muttered a curse, and the cool façade slipped. Jenn ran a hand through her short hair. The discussion was costing her much more than it did him. As much as Darian empathized, he did what he thought necessary. Only when he’d been broken and faced his past had he been able to let go of his own demons.
“Jonny,” he said. “He got to you. How?”
“Chink in my armor,” she said. “I met him when he was a broken soul. He thought he’d lost his only family. I took pity on him, not knowing he would become the Black God. Ikir sent me on assignment to spy on him. I went too far. I thought he could be … salvaged. I wanted it to be true. But it’s not. I know that now. We all make our choices and live with the results.”
“Yes,” Darian said. “I’ll protect whichever world you are in.”
Jenn met his gaze again, surprised.
“The most sacred vow a White God takes is to his family.”
“You’re not a White God.”
“I get to make up my own rules. That’s one of them.”
After a thick silence, she whispered, “Explains why the Others want to drag me over there. So I was right in thinking it’s better they—or Jonny—kills me, before you destroy our world to get to them. In any case, it’s my turn.”
The glint in her eyes warned him. “Claire.”
“Unlike you, a White God had some choice in who he took as a mate. Claire had your spirit. Her beauty was flashier, the kind that drew every man around her, including me. I wanted her, and I got her. But so did a few others at court. I thought the nobles were jealous that I took her as my bride, instead of a daughter from a more prominent family. I believe now the rumors were true,” Darian said, at peace after his trip to the immortal world. He’d buried his emotions for Claire there, among the apple trees where he’d first met her. “I was blind to her other side. She was ambitious, driven by her controlling f
ather and then by her own need for power.
“The last day I remember her, she invited me to a picnic outside the city, near a stream. We were newly mated and made love under a tree near a fountain. Afterwards, I went to the horses to grab our lunch. It’s my last memory of the immortal world until I returned a day ago.”
“Ikir Damian avenged you when he finally learned of what happened,” Jenn said quietly.
“I remember every day enslaved to the Black God,” Darian said. “I remember every time she visited to donate more blood to keep me enslaved. She was proud of what she’d done, how she’d beaten the White God. Her only regret: the Schism kept her from becoming the rightful queen of the immortal world. Poor timing for her, good for me.”
“I wouldn’t call thousands of years enslaved good timing,” Jenn voiced. Her features were still, her dark eyes riveted to him. He saw his pain in her gaze.
“I could’ve been outright killed.”
“Your fate was much worse than death.”
“At first, when Sofi freed my mind, I thought so. I don’t think that way now.”
“I can’t accept my past that easily,” Jenn said.
“Mine made me what I am, Jenn. A life with Claire would’ve been more hellish than a life with the Black God,” he said with a smile. “And it would’ve prevented a life with you.”
Confusion crossed her features. “Darian—”
“My turn,” he interjected. “Me.”
Jenn looked away again. “No.”
“Rules of the game. You have to answer.”
“How do I answer that?” she demanded and rose, moving to the window. “What do you want me to say, Darian?”
“Easy. Yes or no.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Tell me why.”
“You know why!”
“I want to hear you say it,” he insisted, joining her at the window.
Jenn’s distraught features gazed up at him, and he felt bad again for causing her any sort of pain. The air between them was electric, her breathing uneven.
“We’ve established there’s no one between us but you,” he pushed. “Not Claire, not your mate—past or present—no one. Just you.”